Elves, Apples, and Blondes
by MemoirOfLife
Summary: A slapstick? comedy about three girls in an rpg world trying to defeat...random mobs!  while also trying to outdo one another.


Ane Marie looked before her and saw the azure sky shone brightly, clouds floated carelessly through the sky, and the sound of the wind through the trees melded together with the slowly babbling brooke nearby to create nature's symphony which was only heard through her fine, pointed ears. A gust of wind passed by her and loosened her raven hair only to be swept away with it, the folds in her white gown rearranging themselves. Her silver bracelets jingled on her thin wrists as she moved the strands from her blue eyes. She then yawned as if to express content and stretched her arms out to the sky. Within the short span of a moment she let herself fall to the lush green grass below, her head resting softly the earth. She rested her eyes and fell asleep beneath a waving tree and beaming rays of the sun which peeked through that slowly warmed her body, porcelain skin glistening in the light.

Much to her discontent though, Ane Marie was soon awakened by a plump red apple which hit her squarely on the forehead. A cheeky girl with blood red hair down past her shoulders and ruler straight bangs ran up to Ane Marie to apologize, all the while, her copper eyes smiling, not showing the least sign of repentance. She was dressed in the crimson robes lined with gold and a black collar of sorts hung on her neck.

Ane Marie glared at her quickly before lifting herself up from the ground then dusting her backside. Sticking her chin up, she turned away to go back to her village. The girl chased after her but Ane Marie paid no heed. Annoyed, the girl ran in front of her and put her face next to hers but Ane Marie skillfully avoided her confrontation. The girl grimaced, clearly agitated by what she thought to be a prude. So she simply took another apple from her robes and tossed it at Ane Marie's noggin. Angry, Ane Marie lashed out at the girl by kicking her in the shin.. The girl then timidly said, "It's how we say hello". Astonished and confused Ane Marie rubbed her temples and continued to walk to the village but a few second later she had a premonition and looked back at the girl who had attained yet another apple from her robes and was gearing to throw it at Ane Marie again. Luckily, Ane Marie always had on her a scroll on which to write the words she could not say. "I am mute", it read. "Shoo! Pest". The girl tilted her head to side and took out another apple on which she carved "Megan".

"Tis your name?", Ane Marie wrote.

"Yep", Megan carved.

Waringly, Ane Marie decided to ask, "Have you any more apples?"

This time Megan spoke. "Yes M'am. Yes M'am. Three bags full. One for my master. One for the dame. And one to throw at people walking down the lane".

Ane Marie formed her hand straight and hit Megan on the top of her head. "Just because you can't think of anything, don't rip off from other authors!" she quickly scribbled.

"What happened to your written accent?" Megan noted. She then bowed her head to sulk. Taking big chomps of apple, glaring at Ane Marie.

"Thou art scaring me" read the scroll.

In a last thought dash, Ane Marie began madly running to the village to escape from the inane girl. Megan quickly began to catch up, so Ane Marie started swing her arms to get away. As the village was quite a ways away, they both began sweating profusely. Ane Marie slowed down a little but still Megan continued onward and past her. 'There it is! The finish line!' Megan thought. Two men were conveniently carrying a banner that they were about to set up declaring the summer festivities. Megan ripped through it and started jumping up and down, her fists held high. The two men, without a thought began clapping, and when the villagers heard the clapping, they too joined in until the village was full of words and sounds of victory. Ane Marie was panting by the time she reached the village, and the commotion had by then ceased. The men were about to start putting up a new banner when they saw her. One dropped his work and slowly walked towards her with a pitying look, and patted her on the back. "Congratulations on being placed second, lady Marie" They quickly finished tacking the banner up and left. She just stood there and day soon turned to night and night to morning and so on. After a week of not moving, she thought that which she wished she could shout vocally? "Why?", the voice in her head quivered with the rising intonation.

Megan then passed by her and grinned, her eyes mocking Ane Marie. She snickered as she took a bite of an apple"Sore Loser".

"Why art thou here?"

"Well you know, gotta conquer the dragon lord of this region so I can level up".

"I knowst naught of which you speak".

Megan read the scroll and sighed. "This is why I can't stand newbies, I mean if you're going to play the game and not read the FAQS, at least don't go around bothering the vets. I mean they got their own problems to deal with..." Megan grumbled.

"When do you depart", Ane Marie asked, her eyes full of hope.

"You wanna go with. Hahaha, little kiddies should stick to drinking milk and picking their nose." she chuckled.

Irritated, Ane Marie scribbled with god-like speed, "this isn't an mmorpg dumbass".

"So you did know what I was talking about".

"Thou will confuse thy readers".

"Fine, Fine.", Megan scratched her stomach. "I came here to find the two other members of my group. We'll be produced by 'Apple Records', John hooked me up".

"No. No he didn't. Stop lying".

Megan turned her head towards the sky and looked into the distance and shook her head, smiling. Her fingers started to play air guitar.

"Stop avoiding reality!"

"Truly though, I am looking for my two sisters. We are related not by blood but the soul of our father's brother's neighbor's aunt's pet cat's sword, the mighty Excalibur".

"That explanation is too complicated, and how did a cat get excalibur!...This funny man, straight man act is awful-let's just stop".

Megan winked, "Where there's a will there's a way!"

Ane Marie began furiously writing on the scroll.

"Hmm. Whatcha doin'", she piqued.

"Your will"

Megan scrolled down the paper with her eyes, " To whom it may concern, I Megan XXXXX hereby leave this world with no regrets and all my belongings to Ane Marie..."

"Oi, that's not a will, that's a suicide note! And don't put X's over my last name! People will think it's something dirty! Damn you Ane Marie! I won't forget this!"

And with that Megan ran off to the distance.

One of Ane Marie's neighbors, an old lady came to her and asked, "Won't you regret it? Not chasing after her".

With those words Ane Marie put down the scroll she had been writing on and the pen along with it.

She smiled and looked up at the lady. "Not particularly" she spoke.

"You could talk?"

I hope this story made you go WTF? a few times =P. Anyways there are prolly misspellings because I don't have Microsoft Word. 'looks out into the distance smiling, starts air spell-checking'.


End file.
